Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
