she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
