I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
