sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
