His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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