Define "chronic" masturbator.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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