so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
