I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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