You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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