Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
