I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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