Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
