I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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