So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
