WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
