and she was petting her beer can
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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