Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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