I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
