I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
