His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Your cock deserves a montage
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
