Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I smell stomach acid.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
