I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
