just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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