he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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