I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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