If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
