I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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