Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
