Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
