Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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