I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
