Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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