he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
