All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
