ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
