i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
