Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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