guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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