How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I need a burrito and a hug.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
