..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
