he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
