My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
