You're a womanizer and a bitch.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
