At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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