Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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