May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
