Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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