I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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