She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
