I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
