My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
