Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
