i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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