sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
