I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Someone came in the potted fern
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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