So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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