why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
